


Fiscal Rewards

by McParrot



Series: Fiscal Rewards [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: touchyerwood, Figging, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21803356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McParrot/pseuds/McParrot
Summary: Ianto and Jack have to visit Her Majesty's Treasurers, but nothing said they can't have fun while they're doing it.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Series: Fiscal Rewards [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571152
Kudos: 11





	Fiscal Rewards

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Figging. Ianto bottoms
> 
> McParrot is uploading all her fic to AO3  
> These pieces aren't updated or re-edited  
> This piece originally posted on Touchyerwood Kink Meme: 20 Oct 2009
> 
> (This proved that McParrot can't do comment fic shorts)

Working in Buckingham Palace was nowhere near as glamorous as it sounds. The public would be astounded if they could see the squalor, okay maybe that was a slight exaggeration Daniel thought, but it wasn’t far off, of the backrooms and offices that the underlings and minions worked out of. And okay, maybe it wasn’t actually squalid, his office actually looked quite nice, but it was fucking freezing to something like third world or Siberian levels and it shouldn’t be like that in Buckingham fucking palace. Daniel kicked at his stupid useless radiator and did a stupid useless little dance, that was all about warming him up and nothing about having a tantrum like a two year old. Feeling vaguely better he picked up the folders off his desk and knocked on Mr Motram’s door.  
He didn’t wait for an answer, just pushed the door open and went in, dropping the folders on his boss’ desk. Mr Motram looked up and his mouth pulled into a smirk. ‘Good morning Mr Cook. I realise it is a little chilly this morning, but will you be removing the hat and scarf and… er… what is it you’re wearing?’  
‘A poncho sir.’  
Mr Motram cackled. ‘A poncho. Quite. Will it be removed before our meetings start? I really don’t think I want the public to think that Her Majesty’s treasurers dress quite like that.’  
‘You do realise who we’ve got coming in today?’ They both looked at the fine new Turkish rug that admirably covered the singe mark in the carpet beneath it.  
‘Hmm, point taken. But just because we have to deal with the eccentrics of the world doesn’t mean we have to look like them ourselves.’  
‘Jack Harkness isn’t just eccentric.’  
‘Loose the blanket Tonto.’  
‘Yes sir.’ Daniel sighed. ‘You know I could do a little creative accounting, get some money put into getting a modern heating system in here. No one would ever miss the money.’  
Mr Motram gave him a disappointed look. ‘Daniel, Daniel, I know full well that you could. You’re very bright, that’s why I hired you, but really. It just isn’t ethical. We’ve had this discussion before. And you wearing more and more outlandish clothing to work will not make me change my mind.’ He picked up the folder. ‘Is this the Torchwood Three accounts?’  
‘Yes sir. I must say, they make an awful lot more sense this year. Do you think it’s some sort of trick?’  
‘I heard Harkness has a new assistant. A Mr Ianto Jones. He seems to be having a good influence on the place.’  
‘What happened to that Costello woman? She scared me. I was always surprised when she smiled that her teeth weren’t sharpened to points.’  
‘She died?’  
‘Shit.’  
‘Daniel!’  
‘Sorry. Torchwood’s been a bit careless about personal lately. I mean all of Torchwood One…’  
‘Mmm, still, Costello is the first one Harkness has lost for a while.’  
‘Mmm hmm.’ Daniel looked uncomfortably at the rug covered scorch mark. ‘I wonder what outrageous stunt he’ll try pulling this year. We always give him oodles of money, why can’t he be happy?’  
‘Were you here the year he tried to kiss me?’  
‘Oh yes. And the year he tried to kiss me.’  
‘To which I didn’t notice you protesting too much.’  
‘Well kissing is okay. He was very good. But he wasn’t putting anything else anywhere else, don’t you worry. I really don’t trust where he’s been.’  
‘They say he’s immortal you know.’  
Daniel put his hands on his hips and huffed. ‘Yes sir. You say that every year.’  
‘He looks exactly the same as he did when I first came here.’   
‘”And I’ve been here forty years,”’ Daniel parroted his boss’ words. ‘Yes sir, I’m aware you’re retiring in, let me see, thirty six days. You really are going to have to start trusting me to see people on my own.’  
‘I don’t trust you anywhere near Harkness.’  
‘Well okay, probably fair call. But I could see the other Torchwood guy Archie. All he needs to be happy is the cost of living increase and a case of scotch.’  
They both looked at the carpet again. ‘You know,’ Motram said, ‘I actually feel most sorry for the little blue furry thing. I mean, Harkness knew it was going to spontaneously self combust when it came in contact with synthetic carpet fibres, but I felt, the poor thing was rather surprised by it itself.’ He looked around, checking where Daniel had left the new fire extinguisher yesterday. ‘He’s not likely to pull that again, but God he makes me nervous. What was the point of that little demonstration again?’  
‘That not every threat is obvious sir. So essentially they needed more money to be prepared for anything.’  
‘Right.’ Motram glanced down at his monitor which was showing the CCTV feed from the entrance. ‘God, here he comes, and he’s got someone with him.’  
Daniel leaned over to look. Harkness and someone else, a young guy in a suit had just swept through the check point and where heading along the downstairs corridor. ‘That must be Jones.’  
‘Maybe he really is a good influence on him,’ Motram said hopefully. ‘He certainly dresses nicely.’ He gave Daniel an assessing eye. ‘In fact looks a bit like your type?’  
Daniel had to admit, that grainy image on an awkward angle or not, it did indeed look as if Harkness’ companion was his type. He wasn’t going to tell his boss that. ‘Nah. Too tight. Look at him, looks like he’s got a rod up his arse. Bet he never cracks a smile all meeting.’ He grinned at his boss. ‘At least he’s not carrying a pet crate this time around.’  
‘Poncho Daniel.’  
‘Oh yeah.’ Daniel ducked back into his office and threw off all his extraneous outerwear, smoothed down his hair and straightened his tie. He found his heart was pounding pleasantly. One thing about it, Harkness’ annual financial reviews were always memorable and entertaining. He was back in Motram’s office in time to see the two men exit the stairwell and walk towards them. And oh yes, the young man in the very nicely tailored suit, and Daniel knew a thing or two about nicely tailored suits, was definitely his type. Unconsciously he smoothed his lapels before reaching forward for handshakes and introductions. The young man was Ianto Jones and he had twinkling blue eyes and the most interesting Welsh accent. Welsh had never interested Daniel much before but now he found its intonations fascinating.  
The meeting progressed as these things usually did. Motram made queries about expenditure, Harkness argued. At times though, Jones would place his hand on Harkness’ arm and he would still and allow the other man to state the case. This Jones did clearly, succinctly, and if Daniel wasn’t very much surprised, with as much relationship to truth as he was going to show when he siphoned of funds for heating this afternoon.  
He found himself watching Jones more and more closely. For all he seemed unflappably calm there was a sheen of sweat on his top lip and his fingers seemed to twitch. Daniel wondered if he were nervous facing them, they were the final word for control of funds for his department. Was it being in Buckingham Palace? That did affect some people sometimes. Did he have a squiffy tummy? It was starting to look like that. Maybe the poor bastard needed to go to the loo. And yet, if he hadn’t been watching closely he wouldn’t have noticed anything. Maybe there was actually nothing there.  
Harkness was now, predictably asking for more money for the coming financial year. Motram was trying to reel him back down to pre stock market crash funding. Harkness was threatening to let loose a Weevil in the hallway, whatever that was. Jones once again put his hand on the man’s arm. ‘Jack,’ he said quietly, but there was something off with his tone of voice. ‘Jack. Please.’ There was definitely something off. He sounded… like he was begging.  
Harkness turned and looked at him sharply. ‘We need to wrap this up,’ he told Motram. ‘We have an appointment with Her Majesty for tea at eleven. We’ll need at least twenty minutes to get from here to her apartments so we need to be gone from here… er,’ he checked his watch, ‘now. Ten percent more on last year and we’ll all be happy.’ Since Daniel knew that Motram had been prepared for up to twenty he didn’t expect things to last too much longer.   
Motram of course, couldn’t give in without a fight. This was what he loved. He started on with his usual bluster. Bluster was exactly what it was. Daniel leaned back in his chair to enjoy the show. Whatever stunt Harkness was going to pull, it was going to happen now.  
Jones was sitting ramrod straight on the edge of his chair. ‘It’s very cold today, isn’t it,’ he remarked.   
‘Yes it certainly is,’ Motram agreed.  
‘Unseasonably so,’ Daniel chimed in.  
‘I know of more than one unconventional way of keeping warm in cold weather,’ Harkness told them conversationally. ‘Ianto here and I decided to try it out.’  
And the man really was sweating now although his voice didn’t betray him. ‘I am quite convinced though sir, that you are cheating. You don’t appear to be feeling anything like the heating effect that I am experiencing.’  
‘What are you talking about?’ Motram asked before Daniel could stop him. But he might not actually have stopped him because he really wanted to know where this was heading. Jones was starting to jiggle! And blush.  
‘There are some things that are warming from the inside,’ Jones said, in the same tone of voice he’d earlier said, ‘We’ve had to upgrade our mortuary facilities.’  
‘A piece of root ginger in the arse.’ Harkness said. He stood as Motram’s mouth dropped open and Daniel choked. ‘Ten percent.’ He spun on his heel taking Jones’ hand. ‘Thank you for your time gentlemen.  
Daniel managed to get to his feet and follow them in time to hear Jones groan, a deep guttural sound. ‘God Jack.’ They crashed through the door into the men’s bathroom. This was an old part of the building and the lock didn’t work. Daniel counted to ten to give them time to get settled and followed them through. He shoved the door shut and leant on it. Jones was backed up against the wall with Harkness plastered against him. Their heads jerked up when they saw him. Jones didn’t stop scrabbling with his flies. He was making small desperate moaning sounds.  
‘You’re figging?’ Daniel asked in disbelief. ‘You’re actually figging? Right now? Christ you must have a cast iron arse.’  
‘He cheats,’ Jones said. ‘Guh,’ he jerked his hips. ‘He always cheats. Christ Jack, do something.’  
‘It’s all right baby,’ Harkness soothed. ‘I’ll fix it. What do you want?’ He pushed Jones’ trousers and boxers down and Daniel briefly saw Jones’ very swollen cock before Harkness’ hands were wrapped around it.   
Jones bucked into his hands. ‘Bring me off. Bring me off now.’  
‘I must say, I’m really impressed,’ Daniel told them conversationally. ‘The only time I’ve ever tried it I barely lasted five minutes. Christ it was intense. It burns. You’ve been sitting like that for what, over an hour?’  
They didn’t answer him, Harkness intent on very competently wanking his partner, Jones incapable of thinking of anything at all. Jones was winding up to be quite noisy and Harkness placed his mouth over his and kissed him quiet. They were incredibly hot. Daniel rubbed himself through his own immaculate suit trousers but before he could get his hand inside Jones was jerking and coming and the show was over.  
Harkness gentled the other man down, tenderly touching his face, grabbing toilet paper and cleaning him up. He reached around and ordered, ‘Push it out,’ and pulled out what obviously must be the carved ginger plug. He dropped it into the loo with the toilet paper and flushed. He stayed close to the other man, murmuring to him. ‘All right now. It will burn for a bit more but it will stop soon. Another ten minutes.’ Jones still hadn’t opened his eyes. ‘Was that good?’  
Jones nodded and kissed him gently. ‘Good,’ he said quietly, then suddenly his eyes opened and they sparked with fury. ‘You cheated.’  
‘I did yeah.’ He shrugged. ‘I knew there was no way I could sit there and pull that off with ginger up my butt. I know what it feels like.’ He gazed at the young man with admiration. ‘You were amazing. I am so proud of you.’ He stood up and moved back a little. Why don’t you take a minute to tidy yourself up. We’ve got to go and have tea with the Queen.’ He turned and raked his disconcerting gaze full length over Daniel. ‘I’ve got a little unfinished business to attend to.’  
The next moment Daniel found hot hands on his hips and a tongue being thrust between his lips. Then his belt and flies seemed to miraculously disappear and what happened next really was nothing short of a miracle.  
Torchwood Three got a twenty percent rise.


End file.
